“It appears a rare type of tsunami — called a ‘metoetsunami’ — hit the Jersey coast June 13,” we reported last week. Although undersized as tsunamis go, the 6-foot wave knocked three people off Barnegat Light’s inland jetty.A “meteotsumani”? Really?This has me wondering: Is our weather’s unpredictability finally growing into long-established terms like “derecho,” “katafront” and “meteotsunami,” or is the weather cabal creating new names simply to boost ratings even though — perhaps because — they terrorize audiences?I’m going with No. 2. As horror maestros Wes Craven, John Carpenter and Stephen King learned early on, the only thing scarier than a creepy villain, is a creepy villain with a name.
Jason and Pennywise, Chucky and Freddy still lurk in our subconscious minds, ready to appear in a sewer grate and grab our ankles when we least expect it.Why else would the Weather Channel have not only begun naming snowstorms, but giving them steroidal names like Brutus, Draco, Gandolf, Magnus, Rocky, Triton and Zeus?Their explanation is all Dennis Dixon Jersey Cheap Nike NFL wet: “Attaching a name,” coos Weather.com, “makes it much easier to follow a weather system’s progress.” No offense, guys ... but so does “It’s going to snow this weekend.”The full conspiracy is revealed, though, with this physics-defying claim: “A storm with a name takes on a personality all its own, which adds to awareness.
”Nonetheless, it’s working. Used to be, only chemical plant explosions and gunmen in bell towers garnered the kind of team coverage now given to flurries and breezes, mists and hoarfrost.I no longer leave the house without packing an umbrella, pulling on hiking boots, grabbing a flashlight and protein bars, charging the mobile phone, dropping the cat at the kennel, boarding the windows and carrying the TV upstairs. And I won’t leave town without topping off the tank.Once home, I huddle on my couch, surrounded by candles, beef jerky and crank radios. The Weather Channel glows in the background — because anything can happen. Heat waves in April. Snow in October. Back-to-back 100-year storms. Thunderstorms here, locusts there, and don’t forget the afternoon tornado watch.(Page 2 of 2)One day it hit me: Why stop with snowstorms? If names raise awareness, then we could sure use these:Gradient Wind: The sound of the expulsion of hot air authentic steelers jersey by the New Jersey Legislature when attempting to legislate.Gustnado: A temporary dust whirl or debris cloud of insults, delivered by Gov. Chris Christie when presented with a question he’d rather not answer.Absolute Zero: Describes the combined contributions of Rutgers President Robert Barchi to the transparent and ethical functioning of the university athletics department.Cumulus congestus: The outcome of any collective action attempted by members ofCongress.Stratopause: A condition describing political parties as they wait for the “right time” — but under no circumstances before 2023 — to compromise.Negative Vorticity Advection: The sucking sound made by the Republican right when Gov. Christie befriends President Obama — like when he won the prez a plush bear in a Point Pleasant Beach arcade.Landspout: cheap jerseys Describes the resistance of shorefront homeowners to dunes that will protect their houses but diminish their views.Isobar: The term for a New Jersey drinking establishment that pours watered-down booze — even river water — over perfectly good ice.Mandolin Wind: Describes the rare condition when, no matter which radio button you push, they’re playing a Rod Stewart song. Page Previous 1 2 Next

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